7 Years Psych Drug Free: Personal Update
This month marks 7 years since I stopped taking antidepressants, so for this special occasion, I want to share with you what has changed during this time, how my healing process went, and what my current condition is like.
When I decided to stop taking the medication, I was not entirely prepared for what awaited me, but due to the increasing side effects, I felt it was the only right path.The very process of deciding to discontinue them was fraught with many years of suffering, as I consulted with numerous specialists about my deteriorating condition, and they kept telling me that what I was experiencing was not withdrawal syndrome but a recurring "illness."
If it weren't for the Surviving Antidepressants forum, I would probably still believe in the marketing-driven biomedical model of mental illness and the far-fetched monoamine hypothesis.In the first months after stopping the medication, I mainly suffered from physical symptoms such as ringing in the ears, sleep problems, panic attacks, internal agitation, muscle tension disorders, and many others that I now find hard to recall.Over time, some of the physical symptoms began to subside, and mental symptoms appeared in their place.
These were much harder for me to bear. Gradually, I felt my personality beginning to fade away, replaced by strong depersonalization and derealization. Joy for life evaporated, and the perception of the world around me began to change dramatically.My feelings and emotions disappeared, replaced by anhedonia, chronic fatigue, and inner emptiness.
My cognitive functions ceased to exist, and a complete emptiness appeared in my head. I also stopped having any drive for life, including a sexual one.I felt like my body had become numb, insensitive to external stimuli. Resignation thoughts appeared in my head, accompanying me daily for the next few years.For some time, I existed in this state at my family home, but due to a complete lack of understanding from my loved ones, I was forced to face the withdrawal syndrome alone.I spent the next three years in complete isolation and loneliness. I was unable to socialize, and I worked remotely in a position below my qualifications.During this time, I spent a lot of time in support groups dedicated to withdrawing from psychiatric medications.However, instead of help, I became convinced that my condition would never end. I became absorbed in a bubble with people who, like me, were devoid of hope and felt their condition was permanent.
I remember falling into total despair and frustration at what had happened to me. I became very pessimistic and started repeating the lie that the post-drug state is permanent.That was the moment I hit a wall. I could no longer continue like that, and I had the choice of ending the suffering or doing everything in my power to help my body recover.I chose the latter.The process of implementing changes in my life was incredibly painful and difficult because I was constantly accompanied by a complete lack of motivation, anhedonia, and chronic fatigue. I acted like a robot devoid of emotions.Initially, every change I introduced was associated with even greater suffering. This was because my body was very weakened and practically did not tolerate any change.The activities I implemented in my life to help myself can be counted in dozens.
The most effective were activities supporting BDNF, neuroplasticity, and autophagy. Microbiome therapy, certain preparations, and procedures also proved helpful, but the process of selecting them was very problematic. Through trial and error, I developed my own protocol, the implementation of which into my routine gradually began to bring positive results.
My recovery can be compared to swimming to the surface of the water from the bottom of the ocean.At first, the changes were practically imperceptible, which increased the feeling that I would never get out of it. Fortunately, with the passage of time, I increasingly felt the reality, emotions, and feelings around me. Slowly, my intellectual fitness and sexuality also began to return. My body was becoming less and less anesthetized. I firmly believe that if it were not for the radical changes in my life that I made to fight for my health, I would still be suffering.Many of you ask me what percentage I have recovered and whether I still have any symptoms resulting from prolonged drug use.
Currently, I enjoy life, I feel more efficient and healthier than ever, my emotions, cognitive functions, and sexuality have returned. All the physical effects of taking medication, such as excessive sweating or increased muscle tension, have also subsided. To all those who are considering stopping medication, are in the process of stopping it, or are experiencing chronic withdrawal syndrome: this will be one of the most difficult experiences in your life that you will have to face, but regaining humanity, emotions, sexuality, and mental fitness will compensate for your suffering that you will experience during the healing process. Although the process is long, often lasting many years, at the end of this road, which seems to have no end, is the greatest reward you can receive – regaining yourself.
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